Episode 31 Transcript - Don't Let Fear Stand in Your Way

podcast transcript Oct 30, 2019


Welcome to the girl Means Business podcast. I'm your host Kendra Swalls. Over the last few years I have built a business that allowed me to quit my 9 to 5 spend more time with the ones that I love and live my best life. Now I'm sharing everything I learned along the way with you. Each week my guests and I will share actionable tips tangible advice and honest conversations to help you build your dream business. So get ready to take notes and put in the work. Because this girl means business.






Hey there and welcome to the Halloween edition of The Girl Means Business podcast.



This week we are talking all about fear and what better time to talk about fear than one of the scariest days of the year Halloween.



All right guys so while I thought it woudl be really fun to start this week off with a little Halloween twist I can't speak in spooky voice the entire episode. So here's to my regular podcast voice. All right guys we are talking about fear today. We're gonna be talking about why and how fear is holding you back in your business even when you don't realize it. Fear is one of those things that we think of when we think of big fears we think of things like we fear failure. We fear loss we fear financial destruction.



 Those are the big failures that we look at and go OK. Those are the things that I'm afraid of. But what we don't really spend time on or give attention to are those small fears the little things that can cause us to stop moving forward in our business.  Overcoming fear in your business is one of the most underrated but important skills to master in any business owners journey. And yes it's definitely something that you can learn to do. I know that some people through conversations that I've had with other entrepreneurs lean more towards fear than others.



 I'm one of those people that I leap before I look sometimes. I dive into things before really thinking about what it is that could go wrong. And so for that reason I tend to face my fears in the back end of things. I get into something and realize that it's either not working or it's not going the way I want it to go. And I have to back pedal a little. Other people tend to not even dive into the water because they're afraid of every scenario that could go wrong. So today we're going to walk through a couple tips that you can do to overcome your fears in whatever stage of fear you're in.



 Or however you approach fear in your business. So one of the first things I want us to talk about today is why fear is not necessarily a bad thing if any of you are familiar with Elizabeth Gilbert's books or listen to her speak. I read her book  Big Magic and I've heard her speak multiple times and she talks a lot about fear. And I think I've even mentioned this on this podcast before and I love that she talks about fear as being a natural part of the creative process. That fear has to be involved.



 It just can't make decisions you can't allow fear to dictate what you do or don't do within your business.



And one of the great things about our business guys is that it's ours. And if you listened to Episode 26 with Chelsea Foster She talked about this in the episode about how this is your business and you get to decide what it looks like. You get to decide the direction it goes the path it takes how you run it how you choose to do different things within your business and with that comes fear because if it was this laid out plan for you that said do X Y and Z to be successful there would be no fear involved because there would be no risk but because you're doing something that is completely your own that is something that there isn't a laid out path for you.



 You have to decide for yourself how you want to run your business and on top of that guys. A lot of us our business is very personal to us. It's not something that we can disconnect ourselves from it as easily as we could if we were working for somebody else. And so when you combine all those things together fear is going to find its way into every aspect of our business. And so step one is identifying when those moments of fear take over and really understanding the fear because I think fear a lot of times disguises itself as other things.



 It disguises itself as saying things like I don't have time I don't have the money I don't know how to do something. It's the excuses that we make. That is really the fear talking. And if you can separate those two things and you can say OK it's not that I don't have time it's that I'm afraid to start this because x y or z reason. So a perfect example was me starting this podcast. I had the idea to start this podcast for a really long time and I'd really wanted to try something different and I love talking honestly and I love educating people and I love hearing all of the information and the knowledge that I have collected over the years of being in business and I have started off with blogging and I just don't love to write at all and so it didn't make sense for me.



 So the idea of a podcast had come along and I kept thinking Okay I would love this idea but someday someday I'll do this someday the time will be right someday everything will line up. And I kept listening to podcast I consume podcasts like crazy and in my mind what I realized was that it wasn't that I wasn't ready to start a podcast. It wasn't they didn't have time. It wasn't that I didn't have the equipment. Those were all excuses I was making. The reality was I didn't think that I was good enough to start a podcast because everybody I was listening to on my podcast app were these people who seemed so super successful and so far along in their journey that I didn't feel like I was capable of doing the same things they were.



 I was afraid that if I started this I was going to look like I didn't know what I was doing or I was going to sound stupid or nobody was going to listen to me because I didn't have enough to say there were all these thoughts in my head that kept me from starting this sooner than I did. But when I really was able to separate my excuses from the underlying cause which was my fear of failing at this my fear of looking like I didn't know what I was doing my fear of not having something valuable to say once I could really understand that that was the fear and not the real excuses I was making up then I was able to address that fear and so I think when you are starting something in your business and you're coming up with all these excuses when you're procrastinating on doing something you really need to look at the reason why.



 And yes there are going to be times when the procrastination is for a valid reason such as financial reasons or in some cases like equipment I didn't have the equipment I needed right away to start my podcast or you need to learn more about what you're doing or organize a little more before you get started. If those are truly the reasons you're not doing something in your business then yes that you need to be taken care of but that is all figure out of all it's all things that can be taken care up to move you in the direction of starting what you want to start.



 But if you're not starting something because of fear then it's time to address that fear and move past it so that you can move forward in your business. All right so that brings us to step two step two is to go through your worst case scenario. So I'm a big fan of the show. This is us and in season two I believe Beth and Randal were having some issues in their marriage and they were having some issues with their kids and they had this little game that they would play where they would play out the worst case scenario of the worst situation that could be an outcome for what was going on in their lives.



 So that's why I'm asking you to do in your business when you are faced with a fear when something is holding you back from moving forward in your business or doing something great. I want you to play out the worst case scenario. What's the worst thing that could happen if you take the next step in your business. For me it was the podcast so my worst case case scenario looked like nobody listened to my podcast not a single person downloaded it for weeks and months and years and I was just talking to dead space or my worst case scenario might be that people listened to it and they hated it.



 They thought that I was a terrible podcast or that my voice was awful. That my advice was terrible and that I didn't know what I was talking about or my worst case scenario might have been that it took off so fast that I couldn't keep up with it. It's strange to say but sometimes our worst case scenario is going to be success. And I know that sounds really strange and some of you are going What the heck. But it's true. There are some of us who whether we realize it or not or whether we want to admit it or not are afraid of success because success might mean that things get too big too fast or the things get so big we don't really know how to handle them or we don't want that type of success.



 You know there's times that I think about the people I look up to in my business and I look at the Amy Porterfield and Jenna co-chairs and Rachel Hollis is the world and I think gosh they have so much going on and they have so much recognized ability about them. Is that something I really want. Do I really want to ever be that successful. That's a fear and I didn't realize it was a fear I had until I really started digging into the fears about my business. But sometimes success can be a fear.



 So playing out that worst case scenario and having someone you can talk to about this is awesome. So if you can find like a business bestie someone that you can get on a phone call with or go have a cup of coffee then to OK let's really look at what's holding us back. Let's play off of each other's worst case scenarios and when you walk yourself through that scene when you walk yourself through the idea OK. This is what could happen. And you start to realize OK wait if that does happen it's really not the end of the world.



 If nobody listens to my podcast after six months I'll stop doing it. If I launch a product and it's a complete failure it's fine. I will start over from scratch. If I put out that social media post I'm so afraid to share because it's so personal and I get negative feedback from it. I can take it down. There are things in your business you're afraid of that you can easily overcome if you just work through the idea in your head. So now that you've gone through your worst case scenario let's flip it for a second and let's talk about your best case scenario.



 So now I want you to imagine what happens if you take that next step in your business and everything goes super smoothly perfectly. You get exactly what it is that you've been wanting. Let's walk through that scenario as well because you can't have worst case scenario unless you also focus on the best case scenario. So again going back to the idea of this podcast best case scenario as a launch it and thousands of people are listening to it and it's getting listed on the new and noteworthy i tunes and it's getting tons of exposure and everybody is loving it and the feedback is amazing.



 That's the best case scenario. Best case scenario you launch that product and it is so good. Everybody is buying it's flying off the shelves you can't keep it in stock on your website. People are flocking to your Facebook page and they're jumping on your email list and your store is growing faster than you can imagine. Or you push publish on that Facebook post that Instagram post that you've had on your heart for such a long time and the feedback is incredible. People connect with you. People are supporting you. People are loving on you and sharing what you have to say because it had such an impact on them.



 Those are best case scenarios and you've got to play that part out too. So if you've done the work to focus on the negative now it's time to focus on the positive. Which brings me to number four which is planned for something in the middle. It's fairly unlikely that your worst case scenario is going to happen. Hey I knew going into this podcast that I was going to have at least a handful of listeners because I have enough family and friends who were going to support me that they were going to listen to my podcast and I knew that I had enough good things to say that I would have a decent amount of people listening.



 So that worst case scenario was not going to come true. Now have I had the massive success that I had hoped to have. Not yet but I've fallen somewhere in the middle. So you launch that product and it doesn't completely fail but it's not a huge success. It's somewhere in the middle. You push publish on that post and it's not a flop. People are not sharing it on a million different platforms they're not giving thousands of comments but it's somewhere in the middle. That's what you need to plan on.



 So when you're facing a fear and you're looking at the worst case scenario and you're looking at the best case scenario what you need to focus on is where in the middle. Are you going to land. And what is that going to look like. And is it really that scary because most of the time it's not. And I think that we make it so big in our minds for whatever reason it's that monster under the bed that we imagined as a kid that we made out to be this huge horrible monster when in reality there was nothing or maybe it was just a pile of dirty socks we shoved into the bed.



 And so being able to see worst best and then find that ground can really help you to remove that fear enough that you can move forward to whatever that next step is for your business.



Hey guys we're going to take a quick break from today's episode to talk about something truly scary which is money. If you listen to Episode Twenty five I interviewed financial planner Andy Sloot and we talked a lot about the fear that people have around their finances whether that looks like ignoring your finances if at all costs or it looks like being overly obsessed with your finances. Either way we can all use more tools to help us organize our finances and get into a place where we feel comfortable and we aren't afraid of it anymore.



 My personal favorite tool and a sponsor of the Grow means business podcast is cookbooks. I use cookbooks self-employed and it's so easy it connects to my bank account and keeps track of all of my spending and income for me and then I get to go in and categorize it into whatever category those income and expenses fall into. Guys it's so simple it's almost ridiculous. I also love that the reports it gives me makes filing taxes a breeze and we all know how much of a pain that can be every quarter and every year.



 So quick books makes it super simple an extra bonus is they have an iPhone app probably Android too. I don't know. I use iPhone but on my app it tracks my mileage for me so I don't have to even enter it. I literally just drive revenue to go and it tracks it on my phone and then I just have to go in and tell it which one is personal and which one is business. And then if it's business I put in there what it was for. So for example this past weekend I had an event in Dallas and then I had a wedding in Denton and it tracked all that mileage for me.



 And so I didn't have to think about whether or not I had put in my Miles for that trip.



It's right there in my app ready to go and I just have to market for whatever it was that I was doing. So it's incredibly easy. And as if this didn't sound great enough as it already is. Cookbooks is giving you half off your monthly subscription. Guys that means you're only going to pay five dollars a month for a cookbook self-employed.



If that doesn't get you ready to sign up right now I don't know what will. Five dollars a month guys we can all afford five dollars a month. So if you had two bitterly forged slash GMB quick books or go to today's show notes and means business dot com for Slash episode thirty one you will be able to click on the link for your half of code for your quick books self-employed account. Again that's a big leap forward slash G M B cookbooks or head over to today's show notes to get that half off your monthly subscription.



All right guys let's get back to the show. All right. So now that you have realized that you have this fear around something in your business you've looked at the worst case scenario you've looked at the best case scenario and now you've settled on this middle ground path this middle ground idea of what's going to happen but you still have this nagging insecurity this fear that won't let go. The next thing you need to do is you need to face that fear head on and really look at it in the face and really decide is this worth stopping something in my business from going full.



 So for example with the case of starting the podcast one of my fears was around even knowing how to do a podcast. It was scary to think about the technology behind it all. You know how do you record it. How do you upload it. Where does it go. How do you get it on the I tunes and Spotify and all these things. And so that stopped me for a while because I just didn't want to dive into all that technology is not something that I'm comfortable with. I was not ready to hire somebody to do it for me.



 So I had to face that fear head on and say OK if I really want to do this and I really want to make this work I'm going to have to figure it out. And so I took to Google and I listen to other podcasts about podcasting and I figured out the equipment I needed. I figured out how to make it work on my computer using different programs. I listened to what other podcasters were doing and I asked questions and I really took in all the information that I could. And is there a better way to do it.



 Maybe who knows. There's probably tons of different ways to do this. I mean right now I'm sitting here in my office while my kids play in the playroom to record this. Is that ideal. Not necessarily what I love to have a studio someday to record this in that's just designed for podcasting of course. But I made it work and I learned had to learn to figure it out. And that eliminated that fear I no longer have a fear around the technology she behind running this podcast. So if there's something within your business that is causing you to have fear that is overcome a bull.



 If that's the word. If it's something that you can figure out then figure it out. If it's a matter of you don't feel organized enough then get organized. If it's a matter of you don't feel knowledgeable enough go out and get the knowledge. If it's that you don't have the resources or the time then make time find those resources. Once you're able to look fear in the face and say you know what you're not going to win this battle because now I'm armed with these tools that are going to help me to fight off the fear that I have.



 So now that you have faced your fear head on and you have armed yourself with these tools and you have found the resource to help you move past that fear. I want to talk about some of the fears that are a little less tangible for some of us. Fear is deeply rooted in what other people are going to think of us. And I can speak to this fear a lot because it's definitely something that I have struggled with and I've learned to cope with it and overcome it.



There's still definitely times that I worry about it. There are times that I'm recording these episodes and thinking oh my gosh I stumbled over that word. It's going to sound like I don't know I'm talking about when in reality my whole vision behind this podcast was to be real and honest and authentic and if I am polished and perfect and everything I say that's not what I want this to be.



And so I have to overcome the idea that there's somebody out there listening who's going to think negatively about how I'm doing my podcast or how I'm running my business and I want to go back to the beginning when I talked about the fact that this is your business. You get to decide what it looks like and that's exciting and that's scary at the same time because you don't have anybody else to fall back on. And what I mean by that is when you put something out into the world let's say on social media and it isn't received the way you want it to be received.



 You don't have anybody else to turn and say oh well they told me to do that. It was their decision because it's all on you and that's a huge huge fear that a lot of us carry around in our business and in our lives in general but in our business a lot of the times we worry about how it's going to look to other people. You know how is me posting this on my personal Facebook page to promote my business going to look what is Aunt Susie going to think and what is my friend from high school going to think and what is this person going to think.



 Am I going to look like I am being needy am I going to look like this. Am I going to come across this way. And guys if we did that about every little thing we would never move forward in our business we would be stuck in one place because it'd be so concerned about other people think you know if you go back and listen to Episode 17 I talk a lot about the roadblocks in your business and one of those roadblocks being what other people think that fear of what other people are going to say about you.



 And most of the time though that fear that we have about what other people are going to think about us is completely unfounded because they're not thinking those things about us. And so what I've learned in my business because there were a lot of things that I didn't do early on in my business that could have helped me move forward a lot faster and I didn't do them because I was afraid of how it would make me look to my peers how it made me look to my family and friends or how it would make me look in my 9 to 5 job you know were they going to think that I wasn't dedicated to my job because I had this other thing on the side.



 And so I held back and I learned that that wasn't going to help my business grow and that I had to take ownership and I had to say hey you know what I'm going to put this out there and it's going to connect with somebody because it's coming from a passionate place of passion. It's not coming from a place of jealousy or hurt or anger or frustration it's coming out of a place of something that I'm truly excited and passionate about. And when you have that backing up your decision making process in your business then it's going to do just fine.



 And so looking at that fear of what are other people going to think about this and being able to say you know what. It doesn't matter because unless they're saying it to your face and I realized that in the world of social media there's always the chance of having somebody leave a negative comment. Let me give you a tip guys. If somebody leaves a negative comment you just delete it or have somebody else delete it. So you don't have to see it if you have a virtual assistant a system that can help you with that.



 Have them delete it first. But I would say it's a really safe bet that whatever it is that you're wanting to do in your business right now. Once you put it out there you're going to have so much love and support come back at you that you'll ever wonder why you question doing it in the first place. And so just take that step and stop worrying about what other people are going to think. And if you are worried about the people you can think go back to that worst case scenario.



You know let's say that you post that image in that post on your personal Facebook page about the new skincare line that you're offering with your business and your friend from college that you haven't seen in years. Comments on your post it says something along the lines of You know I don't want to see sales stuff from you. This is a personal page. Well you know what. Maybe that's not the person that needs to be making decisions in your business and if it is that's a whole other issue we can talk about.



But you this is your business guys your business. You have every right to be successful in this business. And you don't need to allow people who are not inside of your business to run your business with their ideas and their opinions. And again going back to Episode 17 if you go back and listen to it again I talk about the difference between real opinions that people are saying to your face and made up ones that you're imagining in your head because I guarantee you. Ninety five percent of the things that you're worried about and that you're afraid of are made up in your head.



 OK. My last tip for overcoming the fear in your business and not allowing it to keep you from moving forward is to take that next step. You know if you've gone through all the other steps you've talked about in today's episode you know you've figured out what the fear is. You've talked about it head on and you've gone through worst case scenarios and best case scenarios and middle ground scenarios and you've looked at you know what is that fear head on and how can I get the tools I need to overcome it how can I stop it from making decisions.



 And now you're in a place where you're thinking OK I'm ready I'm ready to take the next step I'm ready to put myself out there and move my business forward then you are ready to create a plan. You know one of the best ways to defeat fear is to have a plan. A lot of times our fear also comes from the fear of the unknown. We don't know what to expect. So if you can lay out a step by step plan of what you need to do and what you physically can accomplish because a lot of times I know for me personally if I know that I can control something by me doing the work then I feel a hundred times better.



 When I was getting ready to start this podcast I made a list of all the things I needed to do before I could put out my first episode. It was things like you know research the technology find the equipment the microphone the headphones the editing software figure all that stuff out. Then it was come up with a list of topics and create a schedule for my first 10 episodes and then I had plans to record certain episodes on certain dates. And I set aside times with childcare where my husband is home to watch the kids and I created a quiet place where I could record and get things done.



 I created a list and assign us where I could keep all the content and regular play in one place and organized. And once I had those things in place I felt so much better about taking this next step because I wasn't afraid of so much anymore because a lot of the behind the scenes stuff was done and now I just had to face the fear of what was going to happen when I put the hit that published button. And that was out of my control. And that's the thing as you've got to focus on what you can control.



 I can't control the back end of this. I can't control the content I put out I can control how it's done when it's done and what it looks like. What I can't control is how you respond to it. But you know what. That's OK. I don't need to control that because I am doing this to help somebody whether that is you listening to this or someone you know that needs to hear this or the random person that finds it on iTunes it doesn't matter who it is that is not for me to worry about.



 My job is to worry about what I can control. And so in your business whatever it is that you are afraid of whatever fear you have going forward in your business worry about what you can control and let go of the parts that you can't control. One of the things they love is a serenity prayer and I used to have a pillow that had it on there and it's such a good thing to keep where you can see it even if you whether you believe in God or not but it says you know God grant me the serenity to serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.



 Guys that's so powerful when you really break it down. Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change I can't change the review you might leave on this podcast I can't change your opinion of how my voice sounds when I come through your earbuds I can't change whether or not this information is applicable to your business right now in this moment that you're in I can't change those things. What I can do is I can have the courage to change the things that I can and what I can change is the continent putting out is the way that I address things is how I share what I want to share with you and I've now learned the difference between the two.



 I've learned what I can control versus what I can't control and that has been a huge game changer in my business. And so when you are in those moments of fear and you're in the trenches and you can't see a way out I want you to think about that Serenity Prayer. I want you to think about what are the things that I can do and what are the things that are out of my control. Because if it's out of my control and I'm still letting that fear stop me then I need to find a way to let that go whatever that looks like for you.



 All right.



So the good news is if you've made it through this episode you're probably feeling a lot better about the fears that you have on your business. The bad news is as long as your business continues to grow and we push ourselves further and further we're always going to have fear to deal with having that fear is a sign that we're pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone. And as we all know that's where the magic happens when you're in your comfort zone. That magic isn't there when you push yourself out of it.



 That's when amazing things happen. So the good news is that with each action you take to face your fear and to overcome it. You grow incompetence and your fear starts to diminish a little bit and a little bit and a little bit. And not only does your fear diminish but your ability to overcome your fear and your business. It's like muscles that gets stronger and they have muscle memory. They remember how to handle things. And so the more that you face fear the more you overcome things then your overcoming fear muscles I guess you could say they know how to handle things so as your business grows and you move forward and you start facing new fears being able to have the tools and the skills to overcome those fears it will get easier with time.



 Your fears are going to change. They're going to look different and they're going to be greater in the future. But again you will know how to handle them and you will know how to overcome them and they won't be quite so scary. All right guys so that's going to do it for this week's Halloween episode. I hope that you were able to get some really great tips on how to overcome fear in your business and move forward and do amazing wonderful things. But I know you're capable of doing. Have a wonderful Halloween fun trick or treating with your kids and make sure you sneak a few of their good candies because you know there's some good ones in those trick or treat bags.



 All right guys we'll see you next week same time same place.



If you love today's episode don't forget to click the subscribe button so you never miss when a new episode goes live. Then head over to iTunes and leave a quick review to let the people know just how much you loved it. Thanks ladies. See you next week.



A huge thank you again to Chelsea for being on the show this week and for such amazing advice. I think that everyone listening hopefully you've got some great tips some great information from her. And again go check out her burnout proof your best podcast for even more incredible information. I just love getting to meet people like Chelsea it's one of my favorite parts about the show and getting to do the show is that these are women that I would normally never have a chance to meet and just through this platform getting to meet incredible people like her and share their story and share their advice with you all.



 And now you get to experience their podcast in their websites and their content all the different things. It's just one of my most favorite parts about getting to do this. I hope you're enjoying these interview episodes. I know they're running a little bit long I'm trying to keep the other episodes shorter so that you can take those in a little bit quicker but these interviews just become so interesting and I just want to talk to people all day long. So I apologize for running a little bit longer today but hopefully it was well worth it.



 All right guys thank you so much for tuning in again this week. Head over to the show notes make sure that you check out Chelsea's links and don't forget to go check out the business spots. I think you're really going to enjoy your first month free. You're going to have tons of information and head over to the Facebook group and make sure that you join so that we can chat over there. All right guys have a wonderful wonderful week. I will see you back here again next week same time same place.



If you love today's episode don't forget to click the subscribe button so you never miss when a new episode goes live. Then head over the tunes and leave a quick review to let the people know just how much you loved it. Thanks ladies. See you next week.


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